First Day of Spring.......?

Yesterday as most of you know, was the first day of spring. This is what i woke up to.
Snow? Really? The other day it was like 50 degrees outside, i drove home from lunch with my windows rolled down.

Run, baby, run

I went to Moweaqua yesterday. I've written about Moweaqua before, and it seems to be the place that i go to escape for awhile. I escape Decatur, the theatre dept., Millikin, all of the dangers of having to walk by yourself at night don't really exist there. It's a lovely place to run to, a bolster, a cushion, a place like home for me when i can't really go home. A place where i feel loved.

We went out, had dinner, came back to the farm, made hot chocolate and watched M*A*S*H until we passed out and it was just what i needed last night. Good company, good conversation, and no time to myself to think. It was perfect.

hurting

This is my attempt to get things out of my heart and onto something tangible.
This is my attempt at art.
This is my attempt to not screw something up gone horribly wrong.

I hate myself right now.
and i have no control over the situation.



sorry to be a downer.



ADDENDUM: I look back on this particular entry, and now realize that i wrote it while i was very very upset, and i tend to say things that i don't really mean when i am upset. It's something i kind of need to work on, and am actively working on making myself better about, but it's hard because according to a bunch of my friends i have "a way with words" when i'm upset or angry. Things were made better yesterday/last night/this morning by good people, whom, i now realize, will always be there for me.
Also, i do not hate myself, contrary to what is written above. everything else however, is totally true.